4 on 400: May Feedback

Thank you to all the brave souls who entered this month’s Four on 400 contest!

Sharing your writing takes courage, and we appreciate your enthusiasm for our contest.

Below, we’ve posted the first 400 words from this month’s winner, along with feedback from at least four of our members. We also encourage our readers to share their (constructive) suggestions and encouragement in the comments section below.

Biting Secrets

YA Paranormal Romance

It happened the day the world went dark. Meteorologists still have no explanation. Experts blame the lining of the planets–others propose NASA blocked the sun’s rays with some experimental exposition. In my opinion, the Earth stopped rotating that day. At least, it did for me.

I’m scrubbing my surfboard for the third time tonight. It’s gleaming, ensnaring me with hopeful operation, but I won’t bend to its will. Not now, not ever again.

“Abigail,” his voice calls over the two-way radio.

I scrub harder, stripping it of the lies, its betrayal, of its vivid bloody warranty.

“Abigail, it’s going to disintegrate.”

I glance over my shoulder, sighing. Lucas leans against his balcony, smirking at me. His wild ringlets are sculpted to the base of his head, indicating fatigue.

I groan and grab my radio. “What do you want, Lucas?”

“You can’t scare me away, ice queen. It’s a full moon.”

I sigh, standing to face him. Lucas and I have been toying with walkie talkies since we were ten years old. We only live a few feet from each other, our balconies peering over the water at proportionate levels. On a serene night, our voices even stretch within reach. But tonight, the waves crash with ferocious intentions, snapping and snarling in an undulating captivity.

I hold the receiver to my lips. “Is this our new normal? Every time the moon is full, you bother me?”

“It depends,” he says. “Are you going to rub your board raw with every full moon?”

I glare at him–his gut-wrenching grin caked on a chiseled platter–and I can’t help but smile.

“Well, you know how I see it.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “Right, I have two options.”

“One, you run away with me. We can even go to the desert for all I care.”

“Or two, I surf again,” I mock him.

We linger in tarried silence under the loud moon. I’m weary with its volume, but I remember it clearly the night I was attacked: massive, scarring, morbid. I sigh as the waves crash in the distance–thunder orchestrating between the swells–and I try to ignore my synapses as they fire off salty images.

“Seeing as we’re only sixteen,” I finally break the silence, “I don’t think option one is on the roster.”

“Which leads to option two–my favorite option.”

Rebecca: You have an intriguing first paragraph. I like that it sets the stage for a paranormal story. I’d love more clarity on is what the night was like, other than dark. What does it feel like to have the planet stop rotating? How long has it been dark? The characters do not seem to be acting like something out of the ordinary is going on and if they did, that would act as a bridge between the opening and the intro to your characters.

The relationship between Abigail and Lucas sounds promising, but here were also some things that didn’t come across clearly. The surfboard “ensnaring me with hopeful operation,” the loud moon and “his gut-wrenching grin caked on a chiseled platter.” You need a bit more for the meaning to be clear to the reader.

Best of luck with this project!

Halli: I’m intrigued from the first paragraph. What happened that day? Why did the world go dark? It must be something huge if NASA can’t figure out what happened. I second what Rebecca said about wanting more information on this. You can still introduce the characters, but a suggestion would be to do so in relation to the dark event. By diving into the characters in an event like that, readers would be able to see and feel another side of them. One filled with deep emotion like fear. One more thought as I read this, I feel there are too many adjectives. It slowed down the reading for me and did not highlight those that were most important. Thanks so much for sharing! I love YA paranormal. Good luck!

Richelle: You’ve set up a super interesting premise, with a lot of interesting questions — how do they know when it’s day and when it’s night if it’s dark all the time? How are they coping on the other side of the world where it’s always day? What’s happening with food/crops? How has it impacted the animals and the weather? Fascinating! Because that was so intriguing, I found the conversation not holding my attention as much as it should. Can you feather in the information in that first paragraph as you go through the story, rather than dropping it up front? I also agree with Rebecca and Halli that you might consider using clearer language and fewer descriptors, especially up front. I love your creativity, but a few times, it took me right out of your story. Thanks for sharing and best of luck!

Gita: The world went dark? Count me in! I love the idea that something is happening on a cosmic level right at the beginning of your story and that it somehow may mirror what’s happening with these two teenagers. So yes, I’m intrigued. In that first paragraph, though, I’m a little unclear about what your narrator says when she notes, “At least it did for me”—does that mean the world didn’t go dark for others? Or is this a comment on something else? I’d clarify that. You’ve received so much good feedback above I don’t have much to add beyond a couple of suggestions for how to tame your metaphors, which as my fellow Pennies have said, confuse/distract rather than deepen our understanding of what’s happening. One, because you’re telling the story in first person POV, all these metaphors are ones Abigail is creating, since she’s the one telling the story. Is she really thinking of Lucas’s grin as “gut-wrenching” and “caked on a chiseled platter”? Two, you might consider honing the metaphors so they belong to one family of metaphors at a time (about the moon, or waves, for example) and simplify each metaphor says only one thing at a time, like “gut-wrenching.” Three—which is connected to my first point—these metaphors are a chance for you to show us who Abigail is and how she thinks. You’ve got a flair for words—now make those words work double-time for you. Happy writing!

Gabrielle: My favorite part starts with the dialogue, “Abigail, it’s going to disintegrate.” and ends with “within reach.”  In that section you’re revealing a relationship by having one character react to the actions of another. More importantly, he reacts to what those actions tell him. It’s got depth. You’re also painting the scene really well, without distracting us with some of the too-heavy prose that my fellow Pennies have pointed out above. Sometimes it’s the simplest language that is the most poignant, because it serves the characters.  It will be the people and what makes them special that will draw us in and keep us. Paint them first, and make us love them. Thank you for sharing your writing with us, and good luck!

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The March #Fouron400 Kidlit Writing Contest Window is now Open!

Q: What is Four on 400? 

A monthly contest that provides ONE LUCKY MG or YA WRITER with feedback on their opening 400 WORDS! As part of our ongoing mission to support writers, we’ll give a MG or YA writer feedback on their work from four of The Winged Pen’s contributors.

Q: Sounds exciting! How do I enter?

To enter, simply comment at the bottom of this post! At 4pm (EST) on the 5th of March, one winner will be randomly drawn from the Triwizard Cup. The winner will be notified and given 24 hours to submit his or her opening 400 WORDS. On the fourteenth of the month, the winner’s words, along with the title and genre of the work, will be posted to our blog with feedback from four of our members. Still have questions? See our Four on 400 page for additional details.

If you’re not sure how to leave a comment, check our FAQ page!

*Please check your email SPAM filter to make sure it will allow an email from info@thewingedpen.com

Want a chance to win an extra entry? Go to our Facebook page and find our post about the March Four on 400 contest. Then like and/or share our post. While you’re there, like our Facebook page if you haven’t already!

Remember, the contest window is only open until 4pm EST on March 5th, so don’t wait––enter now! Good Luck!

 

Our January #FourOn400 KidLit Writing Contest Window is OPEN!

Q: What is Four on 400? 

A monthly contest that provides ONE LUCKY MG or YA WRITER with feedback on their opening 400 WORDS! As part of our ongoing mission to support writers, we’ll give a MG or YA writer feedback on their work from four of The Winged Pen’s contributors.

Q: Sounds exciting! How do I enter?

To enter, simply comment at the bottom of this post! At 4pm (EST) on the 5th of January, one winner will be randomly drawn from the Triwizard Cup. The winner will be notified and given 24 hours to submit his or her opening 400 WORDS. On the fourteenth of the month, the winner’s words, along with the title and genre of the work, will be posted to our blog with feedback from four of our members. Still have questions? See our Four on 400 page for additional details.

If you’re not sure how to leave a comment, check our FAQ page!

*Please check your email SPAM filter to make sure it will allow an email from info@thewingedpen.com

Special Bonus! Everyone who follows us on FACEBOOK will get an extra entry in the TriWizard Cup! Yes, all you have to do is follow our FACEBOOK page to double your entry! If you do this, please note that you’re following us on FaceBook in your contest entry blog comment to make it easy to cross-reference names. (Thanks to everyone who is already following us! We will count your entry twice too!) 

Click Here To Follow US on FACEBOOK!

Remember, the contest window is only open until 4pm EST on January 5th, so don’t wait––enter now! Good Luck!

NEW for 2017: A Brand-New #KidLit Writing Contest!!!

We’re energized and ready to embrace the challenges and rewards of the New Year and are committed to bringing you more exciting content in 2017. We’ve been busy behind the scenes working on a few improvements, and we’re ready to share the first of those with you now!

OUR FACEBOOK PAGE!

We now have a Facebook page where we’ll post extra content similar to what we’ve been sharing on Twitter. What?! You haven’t been following us on Twitter? You’re just a few clicks away from following us on both!  (HINT: Look to your right ➡︎➡︎ or scroll down on a mobile device.)

A BRAND-NEW CONTEST FOR 2017

We took great pleasure in bringing you 8 on Eight in 2016. We loved your enthusiasm, all your hopeful entries, and working with the winners each month. But we’ve got a new contest for 2017, and we hope you’ll be even more enthusiastic about what we’ve cooked up!

 Introducing FOUR ON 400!

 Like 8 on Eight, FOUR ON 400 will be a MONTHLY CONTEST that provides ONE LUCKY KIDLIT writer with feedback from FOUR of The Winged Pen’s contributors on the writer’s opening 400 WORDS! This contest will be open for middle-grade and young adult writers only. (Sorry, picture book writers, but don’t fret! We’re thinking up exciting opportunities for you too! More on that to come later.)

Be sure to subscribe to our blog to make sure you don’t miss an entry deadline! (Our first Four on 400 contest will be held January 4th! Yes, in just 2 days. Go ahead and spread the word by sharing this post with your middle-grade and young-adult writing friends!).

Q: How do I enter?

A: We’ll post a contest announcement on our blog at 4PM on the FOURTH day of every month. To enter the contest, all you need to do is comment on the post. Exactly 24 hours later (that would be on the 5th) at 4pm (EST), one winner will be randomly drawn from the Triwizard Cup. The winner will be notified and given 24 hours to submit his or her opening 400 WORDS (MG or YA). On the FOURTEENTH of the month (at 4AM), the winner’s 400 WORDS, along with the title and genre of the work, will be posted to our blog with feedback from FOUR of our members.

Q: What about 8 on Eight? Will that also run each month?

A: No, we’ve decided to replace 8 on Eight with Four on 400, but we hope to bring other exciting opportunities to our PB writers throughout the year. Stay tuned!

Q: What should my comment include?

A: Anything polite you’d like to say. Often entrants say “Thank you for the opportunity!!” Be sure to provide us with your current email address, and make sure your SPAM filter will allow emails from info@thewingedpen.com!

Q: How will I know if I’m a winner?

A: We’ll email you with instructions on how to submit your material. And if you include a Twitter handle, we’ll announce there, too.

Q: I’m a winner! But I have several works in progress. Which one do I send?

A: That’s up to you––we’re happy to see MG or YA material.

Q: Do I have to submit my opening 400 WORDS, or can I submit any 400 WORDS?

A: You must submit your opening 400 WORDS (yes, even if it’s a prologue).

Q: What if the 400 words end in the middle of a sentence?

A: Please end with the previous sentence. We will not post more than 400 of your words on the blog.

 Q: Am I assigning you any rights to my work?

A: Your work remains your own. We claim no rights to any portion of the writing, but in entering, you acknowledge our right to post your opening 400 words on our blog.

Q: Will I receive any other feedback?

A: The blog post will include feedback from FOUR of our members. Readers are encouraged to share their thoughts and suggestions (in a respectful, supportive manner) in the comments section of the blog post.

Q: Does my work have to be posted to the blog if I win?

A: Yes. As writers, we learn as much from studying other writers’ works as we do getting feedback on our own. In exchange for getting feedback from our group, we ask that you share what you learn by allowing other writers to study your entry.

Q: I got mixed feedback on my opening. Some members said they loved it, others thought it needed a lot of work. What do I do?

A: Writing is a subjective business. Our aim isn’t to tell you how to “fix” your writing. Our objective is to provide feedback from a group of dedicated writers, whose opinions on any given piece of writing may or may not agree. It’s up to you to determine what feedback best resonates with your vision for your work.

Q: If I win, does that mean I can’t enter ever again?

A: You may enter as often as you like, but you must submit material from a new WIP each time you win.

Q: I didn’t win.

A: Okay, so this isn’t really a question, but we’ve got an answer anyway. First, we’ll hold this contest every month. So you’ve still got plenty of chances! Second, although you might not have won, there’s still a tremendous amount to be learned by studying the winner’s material and learning from the feedback they received.

 Best of luck!

The 8 on Eight Contest Window is Open!

eight on eight 2Fellow writers! The 8 on Eight contest window is OPEN!

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Q: I must have missed the announcement. What is 8 on Eight? 

A monthly contest that provides one lucky kidlit writer with feedback on their opening eight lines! As part of our ongoing mission to support writers, we’ll give a PB, MG, or YA writer feedback on their work from at least 8 of The Winged Pen’s contributors.

Q: Sounds exciting! How do I enter?

To enter, simply comment at the bottom of this post! At 8pm (EST) on the first day of August, one winner will be randomly drawn from the Triwizard Cup. The winner will be notified and given 24 hours to submit his or her opening eight lines. On the eighth of the month, the winner’s eight lines, along with the title and genre of the work, will be posted to our blog with feedback from at least 8 of our members. Still have questions? See our 8 on Eight page for additional details.

Remember, the contest window is only open until 8pm EST on August 1st, so don’t wait––enter now!

Best of luck! (And please help spread the word!)

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