As a writer and parent, I’ve faced down a few challenges. Furiously typing words during nap time, relying on the Wild Kratts to keep kids occupied while I write, and running off to the coffee shop while someone else feeds them lunch have all been tools in my toolbox.
But I’ve recently come up against a new parenting wall: teenagers!
Even though I write and read a lot of YA, I still wasn’t prepared for the emotional energy-drain and mental exhaustion (how can one person have so many activities on the calendar?!?) that can accompany parenting teens. I now have two teenagers in the house, and while I love these glorious young adults to bits and am deeply enjoying the people they are struggling to become…the adjustment to this next-level parenting challenge has been rough for my writing habits.
I’ve found lots of advice for writing parents of young children, but when I looked for blog posts and other resources for guarding your creativity while navigating the ups and downs of parenting teens, I didn’t find much.
I’ve developed a few coping mechanisms, but I wanted more. So as usual, I’ve turned to my fellow Penny parents-of-teens for advice. Here’s what they say about keeping your writing going during this tumultuous, exhausting and exhilarating time of parenthood:
Michelle: I have two teen girls and one who just turned twenty. There is always daily drama that I need to help smooth out, but perhaps the most difficult challenge for me is the voice in my head that keeps reminding me that they’ll be gone soon. My constant mental preparations for handling this possible abandonment disturb my writing focus. I’ve found I have to try even harder to compartmentalize my attention to avoid feeling overwhelmed or unproductive. When I am with them, I no longer pine for writing time. I am with them 100%. To balance this, I do (try very, very hard to) carve out time for myself to write each week. I record it on the calendar like an appointment and announce it to them in advance to avoid any guilty feelings that may swamp those precious few hours a week that I dedicate to my craft. Some weeks are better than others, but I feel a tiny bit more in control of both my writing life and my parenting life now.
Rebecca A.: I have a 13- and a 15-year-old and can totally relate to the question, “How can one person have so many activities on the calendar?!” I feel like an Uber driver! And it’s both liberating and terrifying to think of my son driving in a year. (But he knows everything there is to know about the world, so why should I worry?) The most obvious impact on my writing is that I natually aged-up to YA from MG in both my reading and writing over the last couple years. It just feels more relevant to my daily life. My kids have always been the voice I honed into that of my characters, a resource for story concepts and partners in unraveling plot bunnies. But as they get older and more well-read themselves, the ability to brainstorm with them has really blossomed. My daughter and I have talked plot and about which of Shakespeare’s plays (needed for the school play in my WIP) would have thematic resonance with the issues the characters face. You just can’t have that conversation with grammar-school-aged kids!
Laurel Decher: I think the biggest shift was a “time-zone” change as my kids grew up. When they’re small, it’s easier to write during nap time or after their bedtimes. Older teens show up at 9 PM with complicated questions about applications, insurance, and taxes. When I consciously moved my writing time to the morning slot–at first only on Saturdays–everything worked better. Now I have a one-hour writing or revising goal for weekdays. After I check that off, I can be present and enjoy my family so much more because I know the writing is creeping ahead. It’s inspiring to see the things grown-up kids do! The other calendar tip that helps me is to use scheduled family events as deadlines for the right size “chunk” of writing or revising. Blocking out school vacations and holidays in my bullet journal helps me see how much time is really available for writing.
Jessica Vitalis: There is already so much great advice here, and with an eleven and thirteen-year-old, I relate to all of the struggles mentioned. In some respects, writing with teens in the house is easier because they don’t need my eyes on them every minute of the day. On the other hand, the emotional challenges of parenting teens sometimes leaves me even more depleted than the physical exhaustion I felt chasing toddlers. These days, I’m trying to focus on balance and making sure I make self-care a top priority. This leaves less room in my schedule for writing, but it makes me more effective when I do get to my desk. I’ve also become much more flexible about where I write; with a laptop, it’s amazing how many words you can squeeze in while huddled in the car while waiting for a one hour dance class to end!
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For me, it’s not all bad news. I now have a much deeper perspective on what it’s like to live with teens, which I hope is reflected in the complexity and richness of the mother-daughter relationship in my WIP. And thanks to these wise Pennies, I’m developing some new tools that will see me through the next few years…when I have THREE teenagers in the house!
RICHELLE MORGAN writes, works, plays and drinks too much coffee in Portland, Oregon, often in the company of her husband and their three spirited children. When not writing fiction for young adults and children, she pens fundraising letters and other marketing copy for progressive nonprofit organizations. Richelle keeps an occasional blog about nonprofit marketing and communication. She has also written feature articles for The Oregonian, and her short fiction has appeared in Voicecatcher. You can find her on Twitter.