During this morning’s writing session I was reflecting on how long I’ve been at this writing gig. Not in a bad way. Strictly the facts. I’ve written five middle grade novels now. It’s impressive to me when others in the arts share their struggles WITHOUT some big news to share at the end. Just the challenging points in the middle with no “but-now-I’ve-made-it” caveat. So I’m going to do the same. My third-grade students were always impressed when I shared the muddy parts of my problem-solving process. It made it okay for them to roll around and celebrate their tenacity too. No matter our age, sharing our woes midstream is unnerving, but can help us feel less alone. And certainly, we’re all grappling with something.

Full disclosure: I have had a traditionally published picture book out since 2016. That journey has been enriching and rewarding, but middle-grade books have always had my heart. I’ll focus on those.

1. THE PIG WAR – My first book I self-published after seven years of patchy writing sessions (full-time teaching, two babies). Involving regional Pacific Northwest history, the librarian I worked with urged me to get it out there. This was great for my confidence and “outed” me as a writer. I worked to get it into PNW indie bookstores, started developing relationships with booksellers and librarians, and I knew could complete a book. There are many things I’d do differently now, but it was a good first step on my path.

2. LITTLE THINGS – Took my writing schedule up a notch and, doing my first NaNoWriMo along with my students, wrote each morning before heading off to teach. After about three days of this, I’d pass out on my dinner plate, but I completed another book in a year and a half or so. Queried about forty (?) literary agents. The takeaway was that it had a unique concept–I had some excited, full requests–but I simply wasn’t yet up to the storytelling task. Shelved, knowing I’d revisit concepts from it someday.

3. KEYS – Year and half of writing and revising I think? Gaining confidence, I interviewed a classical pianist and a piano tuner. I still like the bones/structure of this one and feel whisperings of wanting to revisit. Critique partners say the same. I believe I need to dive deeper into the main character’s motivations and backstory. Didn’t get many bites from agents so I shelved it after only 35 queries. Seems like it might be a good second book. Maybe. Though I’ll acquiesce to the pros for those decisions.

4. CRAWLERS – This was a dive into fantasy, though not high fantasy. I struggled with this one the longest – maybe 2.5 years? It’s still not ready, but with the right state of mind, the right shared vision, and a strong revision I think it could still work. There are themes and friendships I believe in. A creepy premise that might make kids shudder with glee. Three agents came really close on this one with some of the best compliments on my work yet. I keep one of those rejections above my writing desk.

5. TWENTY-FIVE SUNDAYS – I reawakened an old, strong concept (Hello LITTLE THINGS) I had shelved years before. I’ve been more careful early in the conceptual process than I ever have and it shows (Hello, ye of the Winged Pen, Rebecca Petruck! Hello excellent CPs!). Or seems to. Nice feedback from four critique partners now and I feel like I’m addressing their concerns with each revision. It has a good emotional ticking clock, a unique situation that feels timely, and there are a couple of strong themes. I like my characters and how they interact. It includes a fantastical element that is intriguing. I’m on about draft six? Seven? Fewer than I’ve ever done due to the planning. I’ll hire a developmental editor next (a privilege). He will tell me how to make it stronger still. I want this one to pack a punch out of the gate.

Will this book sell? No idea. Will I find the elusive literary agent who believes in me and my work? No idea. There are no guarantees in this world of art, which can be, at times, maddening and downright depressing. I just received a particularly bitter pill of a rejection on another regional picture book this week. A book I’d tinkered with for a long time and felt strong. But its existence in my imagination came to a screeching halt. Plus, I think I waited too long to ask questions as to what was going on. Lesson learned. Or something.

But in the end, writing brings me joy. It takes phenomenal amounts of my now stay-at-home dad time–home improvement projects and cooking more gourmet meals have fallen by the wayside. But I get to be closer to my kids and family (a privilege) and slinging words helps me digest what life throws at me. As Elizabeth Gilbert said in her book, Big Magic, “A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life.”

There will always be new goals for which to yearn. Always. But I need to pause and make the effort to celebrate successes too, big and small. (Being invited to talk at a Youth Writing Conference next month. Yay! A simile that finally fits beautifully into that emotional moment of WIP. Well done, Mark. Thank you, Mark.).

Someday I may get a traditionally published middle-grade novel out there into the hands of kids who need my story. Or I may not. But I will keep writing. And I will always believe in the power of storytelling. Always.

What’s next?

Some quiet, quirky kid named Walt keeps whispering in my ear. He likes Bruce Lee. Doesn’t like fighting. But he gets really really mad sometimes. He has more to say. So do I.